Today was one of the best days of my life.
It was. And frankly, nothing extraordinary happens, and everything was perfect.
My brother and I completed our first pilot together, my kids and I enjoyed time in the park with friends, we saw the best sunset, and then I got to lay in bed with them both and just listen to their laughs and breath in the essence of childhood.
No engagement, no lottery, not even an AMG, none of the things that I thought would have happened to experience feelings.
Yet there I was, having the time of my life.
“Honor what you do know” is the quote my brother shared with me this morning.
It stuck with me.
Honor what I do know.
As it stands, there’s a man that I don’t know if I love or am just caught in some dizzying karmic cycle with.
I do know that, when I see his sexy ass picture on my phone cause he’s calling, something in me says “cmere Lil daddy,” that even as I writing about him, I just want to duck off into some foreign part of the world and eat grapes off his dick.
Sorry. Not sorry.
I don’t honestly know where I want to live or what I want to do.
I do know; I like writing, I like talking, and sharing things I’ve learned. I like imagining and being free to share however that looks.
I’m turning 30 in about 90 days, and sometimes I get the sense that there are more things I don’t know than what I do. I’ve made my peace with that. Gone are the days where I trap myself inside my head, beating myself up over things I don’t know and running back and forth questioning the things I do know.
I know I like who I am; I know I trust myself to be true to seeing and knowing me.
It is both my honor and my privilege to see and know me fully, as thoroughly as I can.
Regret used to bother me. The idea that I make decisions only to discover more information after having made that one and has altered my opinion or thought.
I used to lose sleep over that.
I’ve now come around to the idea that more information is always better. I can see myself more clearly with it. That allows me to be gracious and grateful for the step I just made.
I’ve adopted the practice, console the attempt and unpack the effort.
“Good job Miriam. It looks like you made an effort to be truthful, love, and discover (or whatever it is); how do you feel about it now?
A process that I am using to lean into healthy self-talk. It’s okay that my wise inner father is Dumbledore. He just gets me.
Today was one of the best days of my life, and all I did was be me. Love me and Speak kindly to me.
It was a good day.