Fuck them damn kids, Mer.

Yes, they’re adorable, and Zola definitely got the assignment in last week's episode, but geeeeezus.

Zola in the performance that brought me to tears and Mer to life.

Look, I know what you’re going to say. “They’re kids; they need their mom,” yeah yeah yeah… we get it. Don’t worry; I’m a mom. I have kids; I can say this.

WHAT ABOUT WHAT I NEED?!?!

And for but a few sweet, dreamy blue-eyed moments, Mer did just that. There we were staring blissfully in the eyes of McDreamy, beachside in postmarital bliss, which I’ve not yet personally experienced, but I hear it is a thing. That’s right, for a few sacred moments, Shonda or whoever on her team is responsible for this fuckfest of emotional exploration gave us what we all had missed and didn’t know how desperately we needed.

Mer and Der.

Moments with our favorite couple just being themselves, complete with tender glances and all of the emotional support and romantic wordplay that (sorry Andrew, god rest your heart) that Mer so desperately needed from the man who was shooting with her in the gym. At the same time, she became all that we know and love. The man whose mistakes toughened her, whose kisses comforted and melted her, whose genius dusted off the very shadows that held the power of all she is.

It may just be me going through my own healing journey alongside my romantic partner, but Mer and Der hold a tender spot for me. Watching her be reunited with him just did something for me. It made everything, even the moments when I wanted to shake Mer for loving him or whoop Derek’s ass for being such a Derek, seem so immensely and incredibly small. A feeling that I am exploring within my own relationship right now, in fact…please, join me in my mind’s inner room for another episode is our love toxic and every relationship post of the Instagram was totally right, or this is healthy. You’re just trying to run from all the inner work that being in a healthy relationship with another human drags out of you…right?

*uneasy laugh*

But seriously, could you remember a single fight they had? I couldn’t.

For those reasons, I was entirely happy Shonda and her people drug us through weeks of “will she or won’t she live.”

In other news. Jackson and his fine ass. His slow and steady hobby of dating/ sleeping with the most damaged and unfavorable women has grown weary on me. I also really do not enjoy Jo. Nothing about her; not one thing rubs me the right way.

Maggie and … whatever name is, ole boy. Don’t get me wrong. I love love love that Maggie is getting her time in the sun. Good old fashion healthy love, but boy, it is truly boring to watch.

Amelia, my sweet Amelia, my favorite character for so many reasons. I like Linc for her. I truly do; even down to his super boundary challenging parents, everything about him screams stable and adjusted in a way that adds a certain balance and polarity to her crazy ass. I love it. I think the best relationships have a healthy balance of two people opposite each other in the right ways. What is that? Compatibility? A concept.

In all, Zola with mama Mer brought me to big ole tears. I even rewatched the sequence to really wring out my ducts.

SICK, I know.

Yes, I am glad she woke up.

Them babies need their mama, just as much as Mer needs them, I still stand by what I said.

29 yrs. a black + woman. 9 yrs. a mom Lifetimes a god.

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